Dear fuckstick,
I realized that writing essays is a lot cheaper than buying shit for birthdays. It’s brilliant. Don’t return the favor though, please.
For real though, I want to take this moment to thank you. I’ve compiled a list.
-Thanks for teaching me how the infield fly rule works.
-Thanks for raising me as a Red Sox fan and not a Yankees fan.
-Thanks for not shooting me when I made the deer run away as you were about to shoot him.
-Thanks for throwing Lee through the door and not me. I know you wanted to sometimes.
-Thanks for showing me how to pitch. I cherish my little league years. You were the best coach I’ve ever had, even when you’d get pissed that I got thrown out trying to steal, Big Papi Style.
-Thanks for teaching me that I shouldn’t litter, that I should be nice to people, and that I should work hard. Two out of three ain’t bad.
-Thanks for teaching me the differences between further and farther, and effect and affect.
-Thanks for not naming me Chone or Asdrubal.
-Thanks for getting your life together. It’s a big reason I know I can do the same.
-Thanks for not actually throwing my stormshield and windforce on the ground when I was away from the computer.
-Thanks for teaching me how to ski, and even for spraying me. I’d like to think it built character.
-Thanks for putting up with loud poker nights, when you had to be up before we were even asleep.
There are a lot more, but I’m kind of pinched for time. I’ve got lots of homework and studying to do. I’m a very busy man.
-Thanks for being a good dad. I love you wicked, mrah.
