April 2011
1 post
July 2009
1 post
I was wondering if anyone else notices the lyrical similarities between Saving Jane’s “Girl Next Door” and Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me.”
Saving Jane came first: She is the prom queen I’m in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I’m sitting in the stands
She gets the top bunk I’m sleeping on the floor
She’s Miss America and...
June 2009
7 posts
An excerpt from a letter.
A letter that I wrote to Matt Damon inviting him to the BWSOP two years ago.
“I’m not inviting you to come for our benefit; you wouldn’t be doing us a favor. I’m asking you to come because you’ll have a great time.
The buy-in is $20 plus a two dollar cover charge to help with the cost of the Champion’s Bracelet. We also ask that you bring a bag of chips, or a two liter soda with...
May 2009
14 posts
I'm dogsitting my sister's dog. A text...
Laura: How is Joey doing?
Ben: Bad, He died this morning. Got hit by a truck.
(Three missed calls from Laura)
Laura: R U Joking??
Ben: Yes, dork.
Laura: I'm not dork.
Kenyon Martin: ahead of his time.
The feud between Kenyon Martin and Mark Cuban has finally produced something tumblworthy. A triple negative.
That’s right. When speaking with HoopsHype.com, Martin said, “I ain’t never known nobody apology to somebody through other people.”
So, let’s parse it
ain’t never = have
ain’t never known nobody = Have known nobody.
Kenyon Martin’s...
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain. My kind of guy.
“His mother was arrested in Nebraska on suspicion of selling methamphetamine to...”
– Yahoo! News.
How is it “suspicion of selling methamphetamine?” Would it not be pretty obvious?
226 days
Until the 2009 Beebe Poker Classic.
April 2009
29 posts
Great minds.
Chlope 10 months ago on my original Daisy Cruiser Flap video:
“It’s definitely a skill that’s nice to watch, but it doesn’t make a shit when Chlope starts busting that ass with red shells.”
Chlope yesterday on my repost of the same video:
“That’s all fine and dandy until Chlote sends 9 red-shays up that bottom”
Love Letter.
I wrote this in a letter I gave to Jennifer Collier after Mr. Whiteman’s math class in 6th grade.
I’m kind of chunky
I wear no belts
When I see you
My heart melts.
I was such a fucking Casanova.
“Jacoby Ellsbury has stole home!!”
– Jon Miller. No, Jon, he hasn’t stole anything… Jeez. Unacceptable for a broadcaster.
“Michelle Obama jokes that new dog Bo is “kind of crazy.”
– Yahoo! News.
Someone please tell me how this is, in any way, worthy of a news headline…
Heather: Toad Suck 10K?
Ben: Yeah. Two weeks. Just you and me though, Jed's out.
Heather: What? Why?
Ben: Because he's, uh...
Heather: A little bitch?
Starting next semester, UCA is going to be a tobacco-free campus. Pretty cool for me, but I bet the smokers are going to be pissed.
It’s not officially baseball season until I get this text message from my dad:
“We almost named you Chone.”
I’ve gotten this text message the first time the Sox play the Angels every season since Chone Figgins has been in the majors.
“No, you didn’t”
Edit: Papi’s line: 1-3 caught stealing. I’m not sure if Papi worked on his base...
Ben: Don't worry, preliminary plans are underway for BWSOP 2010.
Monkel: It's right around the corner.
Ben: Have you already put the doors back on in the kitchen?
Monkel: Huh? Oh! No, I'm glad you're here. Come on. (Runs back to his bedroom)
Ben: Damn
“Michael Miller says: “And so god giveth the man coinz, and they were ez”
– Michael’s status.
It’s like I wish everyone played Diablo or some other loserfest online game so they could know exactly how funny this is and how much of a loser it makes Michael. Just imagine the most loserest thing a person could ever make their status; that’s what Michael...
“Toodasyje… In oneward… Lairce. In mull tippleez… Lairce a la...”
– John on my wall.
It took me a while, but I finally got it 100%. It was worth it. There are some noteworthies. Jeez…
“Mum-Zi, a member of Chief Akkiri’s harem on the island of Calabar,...”
– Awesome.